Lost Wilds

By Nalissi

This is a Story of Remembering I wrote in a letter to Sileniel. I wish to share it with some other friends as well.

I was a Part of the Wildwood. As much as any of the Trees. Most are more like visitors. There were a few denizans, but even they were somehow more separate. This is where my frustration with Language comes from. The Trees Talked, and Told of things, but they did so in Color, and Emotion. That is how I was taught -no, created - to communicate. Though I was without roots, and (very) mobile within the Wild, I was of the Trees. This is not like the stories of Dryads and so forth. It is more akin to the way bees create different kinds within their species for different needs. I looked very simillar to the visitors to the Wood (Fae), but I was not. Not yet.

You see, I remember them coming, to see the Trees. I Remember them seeking Guidance. Or simply peace of mind. And often other things, which grew only in the Wildest Parts of the Wood. And somebody had to show them. Or give to them the Words of the Trees. Sometimes, more was needed than the general "feelings" most got from the Trees. I learned to Translate (I'm still fairly good at learning new languages quickly), though I found the other way easiest to express my own feelings. I was a Guide. The ones coming became more and more - um- agitatated. They were full of Sorrow, though I know not why, exactly. I do not think I understood completey then, even. The ways of those the Trees saw as Children were not easy for me to grasp; they were too foreign. But I Felt their Need. I do not recall whether it was my decision to go, or whether I was sent. I do know that whatever was happening would effect the Trees greatly, and so it was agreed direct action had to take place. It was a momentous and ominous decision, for Always had the Trees only Advised. It was a difficult Parting, for myself and the Trees.

But I went. Just as many Change form when entering a more astral plane, so I changed much when entering a more physical one. I was changed within and without, and my nature became that of the People whom I had come to be with. My memories of this new place are not as clear, for it was still foreign to me. It had been decided that there was not time for me to be born into my new world, and so I was sent as an adult. I did not feel as old here, for I was a babe OUT of the Woods. I was far from my Trees and their wisdom. I think I lost more than we counted on in the Crossing. I know that I was a Dancer, and I revelled in the Dance for it brought me closer to my true Home. I know now why it was looked on as odd that I had the Healing Gifts I had. Firstly, they were different from the usual. Mine was a Magick closer to the source. This was closer to the End. The other reason was that Society had gotten to the point by this time where it wanted very clear definitions between who was trained for what. They did not remember that they had all come from the same place, and shared all gifts.

They had also started to forget that their very being was Magick, and separated it from their Life and Breath. ( though some of the old words for making Magick flow were from the word for "breathe". I have a habit of telling someone who is upset to Breathe. Nobody gets it, naturally.) My ways of doing things were a little too simplistic for them. They looked askance at anything not done "properly". As I've mentioned before, I remember that we were trying to hold Something together. It was a last-ditch effort, so to speak. Kinda like damage control at this point, really. I wish I knew what from. The Trees are a connection to the All. They miss us, for we are in many different ways a part of them. They see the Elves as Children, for they are a bit farther from the Source. ::chuckle:::: And it is often their curious and impetuous natures which have gotten them in trouble. ;)

The form of Trees is used because they are Rooted in the Source. Besides, they like it. Towards the end, there was a specific group of people (mostly men, for some reason, though it did not start that way) who most often came to the Trees. Intuition and an educated guess tells me that their influence here is mostly to blame - oops! I mean responsible - for the Druids. (A nice idea, but they got more and more confused with each Generation. Humans definately came up with the sacrifice thing. Silly Boys!) When I first Remebered the Trees, and the Wild, I wondered why I didn't go back. I did. It was not the same, though, for visitors are less frequent, and less Knowing. There was a Sundering, as we all know, between the Realms, and now the Wildwood is less tangible to those who seek it. Many of the Trees are sleeping, for they must wait. Things are stirring, though. I have wondered all my life here why I could not touch base with any past lives. Well, it's probably because I was "seeking" in this realm. Things are coming around. Cycles are closing, circles completing. Why else would there be such an Awakening? :::: pausing story for impromptu "oh-it's-so-good-to-see-everyone-again - let's-go-home-now" Dance:::::

All this would explain to me, also, why I still don't "get" people and their Ways completely. It would explain why I'm drawn to Trees, but that the ones here do little for me. I have trouble with BrandName Reality, I'm just not used to it. And I think my health problems may in part be due to the fact that this is not my native form. I don't think this is my first life here, this time. My Memories seem to blur between now and times just before I was born. It seems this time there was enough time for me to be born, and the Awaken naturally. I would guess at this being my second time around here. I'm hoping it's my last, though there are some great things here. Namely Love and Chocolate. :) Anyway, I'm feeling more at peace now. It helps when things fall into place. I'm still sad, for I also know know why it's harder for me to go "visit" than for many people. It took an awful lot to get me her, in tact. If I go back, I have to do it all over. It's almost an exile. But, I know I will be returning. Right now, I am to do exactly what the Trees have been doing: I wait. Every Reading I have ever had says something about wanting action, but tells me I must be patient. ::::HUGE sigh:::: I wanna go home, but it's not like the Trees are going anywhere.

Oh, this also explains why I feel no "other" in my life. I like Loving others. Alot. Things were very different among the Trees. I think I've been trying to make up for what i missed. It's kinda like a kid that tastes cotton candy for the first time, then stuffs hirself sick. But, there isn't a sense that I am "meant" to be with anyone. I just hate to be alone, for I am used to the comforting presence of the Trees always being there. Someday..... By the way, do you remember what it was like between lives then? It is not the same with everyone, for the Universe is vast, but I remember some who came to stay among the Trees. I think it was when they chose to spend that time Learning there what they had forgotten in the World. Towards the end, it was fewer and fewer. I watched these ones, but did not interact with them. They needed no guide. They took different forms, and some live on in Legend. Yes, I really do Remember Little Winged Ones. Unicorns, too. Some kept their own form, and I feel that these were Sent there rather than choosing. I stayed away from them, for it was known they had much work to do before they could go back.

Well, I hope this at least proves interesting.

Tihr a Lahn,


Picture - The Londa Tarot Deck Three of Cups
Story - Nalissi