The following are a series of Journal posts made September 10 and 11 2003 concerning a certain dynamic that is prevalent in the otherkin community.
I really Dislike Cowards:
Once again, the facilitators of the disturbed make certain that they can feel “safe”. They may ask themselves why there are so many out there that are so flaky, so shallow.
It is because they coddle them, and they do not allow anyone to swat at them when they do something stupid like create a new reality that never happened. It is because they undercut anyone else deciding to make sure a story is straight, weakening the impetus of anyone actually SAYING anything of value.
Why are so many of the more stable ‘kin withdrawing, I have heard asked? Look at the sort you encourage…and the ones you shut down. If you want fakes, you get them. If you want the psycho-dramatics…you get them. Shut down the ones that decide to make a stand against the rewriting of what things have happened, and you may live in the reality the rewriters want. Go ahead, enjoy.
Some of us do remember the feel of we want, and part of that feel has a spine and a memory that does not suffer fools gladly. We are willing to work with those that show that they are serious about working on themselves. And before you write me to berate, look at the community, look at all the complaints you have made about it, about the events, about the loss, and look in the mirror and ask why you helped create the environment you complain about.
I am going to go work on things that encourage the environment I can happily live in. That is what helped me get Thresholds to come alive, and I am going to continue with that…because I KNOW what I want. And I have the spine to do it. Do you?
One thing people may ask is what i think of “drama”. Personally, I think of it as a self-righteous crutch-term for those that want to think they have none, or they have it “under control”. Silly people. You complain about “drama” because you want to label something in a nice, safe box. What you are REALLY saying is that you want to be entertained…and that if something makes you feel “bad”, then the people making this happen are “bad”.
I am quite certain that the world could have done without the “drama” of the multiple philosophers in the world that made people think. Ask the ones that were made uncomfortable and tried to make their places “drama-free zones”. (dark chuckle). I see the use of “drama” to be yet another case of people avoiding looking at things and working on them. What are you doing to fine-tune things to make such annoyances of behavior not find you in the first place?
In my own case, I have found that letting “the drama” ™ go on without facing it simply makes it worse, makes it stronger, and makes the people who revel in it the ones that set the stage of much of the interactions out there. Why let them? The more you avoid, the more they find their dynamics entering into the worlds you would create to be safe from them. The Masque of the Red Death is in there with you. You simply have it sitting next to you while you hide from the “infected masses”.
Waiting for the Next Rumor
What I always find interesting is the frequency of the use of certain memes to “take out” a target that cannot be taken out using truth. Look at the use of fear tactic memes in the whole “war on terror” thing. People that cannot win you any other way will try to set you off of rational thinking and hit your buttons, the deepest they can find.
Thankfully, I figured this out years ago, and it tends to not affect me too much. For example, someone that I helped a while ago decided to try to turn me against a couple I knew…by telling me that the man in that relationship would not take no for an answer. I looked at things…and while I did acknowledge that perhaps the couple in question was not ready to work within a poly amorous model, I did doubt that the man had done anything more than she herself requested or implied.
I based this statement on my own experience with the young lady in question. I probably should have gone to the couple and let them know what had been said. It did indeed come back to haunt me, when the young lady decided that I was the evil one, and tried to say this about me to others. Thankfully, the lady had a well-known record of doing this in the past….
Unfortunately, the woman in the couple in question was going through some difficult emotional things…and the “lady” in question used this opportunity to turn their ear about what I had supposedly said about THEM…and unfortunately forgetting that I do not say things behind backs that I will not say to faces. It is also interesting to see how these sorts do ally with one another when they find that someone is not willing to play their games.
Works for the government…it works in normal social circles too. I can only say that people would do well to be aware that they have buttons that the predators like to push to get to dance. Of course, they will be quick to point out that the one standing up to them is manipulative…..(chuckle)
Preying on the Counselor
The favorite target of the social and emotional manipulator is the councilor type. They are the most open to giving the “hurt” the best opening to get in and twist them to their aims. The councilor is the sort that opens themselves up because they know no one else will…and when they see someone in pain, someone with wounds coming up to them for help, they open up to create an environment that will facilitate the wound being healed.
Unfortunately, this is where the predator gets the most thrill. They have someone that is their own. They want a relationship…and this one they can get a lot of attention from. it is not in their interest to actually heal….they would loose the intensity of the therapy, the empathy…they would starve.
So they dance the dance of improvement, then sudden setback…playing the councilor for as long as they can. If the councilor should realize what is happening? That is when they get to be the next “wound”….and they find another councilor or five to get healing from. More the better if they can convince the now-former friends of the earlier councilor that they are actually some sort of monster, and that is how crusades begin.
Of course, only a real predator would write such things, they are the ones that want you to think that they are the virtuous….that is part of their danger, you see. You are supposed to believe the victim, right? (as can be guessed, I have serious issues with this sort of predator. They make it so much harder for the real victims of anything to actually get help or support….they turn people and their wounds into the ones to avoid….because sometimes you can never know. And so many councilors get harmed this way, making them less willing to be there the next time for the ones that actually WANT to have some help working through some things.)
Looking at Things
One should be VERY careful about things happening with “friends” that are really “clients”. I admit, I seem to have a penchant for making that mistake. No problems when I am in professional settings…but I seem to have a bad habit of not realizing that a situation is not a friendship-based relation in my personal life….but one where the main aim of intimacy is power.
I do not really COMPREHEND this “power over” thing in relationships…where emotions and intimacy are bartered for other things.
I do not see why I would be seen as something that COULD grant power. I have made a few mistakes. Thankfully, I CAN learn. And, even more thankfully, not everyone I have had relations with has been one of these “clients”. Only a very few.