I cannot understand why good people give abusers as much behavioral lattitude as they do. I do comprehend giving a broken individual some leeway in honor of memories and resonance. I have done a bit of that myself in the past. However, after a few experiences with folks who projected their own issues onto me and used me for target practice, I eventually learned that this was not the best path.
Many individuals have gone way past the point of receiving the love and understanding they need, and are using the love they were given to feed their pathology, and when it is no longer given, that feeds their pathology as well. Therefore, hiding to avoid them is not the answer. It feeds them when their targets disappear, because it provides a way for them to to hurl their anger toward you. I would suggest remaining in the online community (or wherever you happen to normally interact) and letting such people see you being active and carrying on as usual, but not allowing them to do anything that impinges upon you.
When obsessed individuals say idiotic things, it is not really about you, nor is it about those with whom you share that higher level of understanding and resonance. They may have the gift of some of that same resonance, and it is certainly honorable to try to help them in honor of that resonance. But if they have done nothing to honor the thing you honor in them, then any efforts in their direction are a waste of time and energy, and will ultimately harm you.
The more things change, the more they stay the same, especially when folks want to view friends as possessions, rather than simply allowing their friends to live. Dead things are easier to obsess on, especially if they are masks placed on the doll they name in your stead… a doll they seem to talk to much more than they seek to talk to you, even while you are in the room with them (sad chuckle).
Some folks only live on the ecosystem formed from their own tears. They think that is the way of all lives, and thus do their best to make other systems get more rain, in hopes that they can have more in their own well.
I live a more public life than most, but I have learned that tears are only to be shared with those who use them for bathing and cleansing, not with those who base their lives on them. There are too many emotional addicts, too many that find the life of a parasite preferable to the life of a keystone species for an ecosystem.
We need more keystones. We need more symbiosis.
Indeed, parasites can have an important place, when they are kept in check by a healthy system. There are fascinating links between parasites and allergies, for example. There is a theory that some allergies occur because the system is looking for parasites, but finds nothing. Therefore, the system goes off like a loose cannon and attacks itself. There has been some research done with treating Crohns Disease and iritable bowel syndrome with parasites (to encourage the intestine not to attack itself). Yes, parasites can be necessary for survival. But unchecked they can take over the entire system.
I honor those who are trying as much as possible to respect and help friends who have a resonance, a feel that you know is right. However…
There is potential…and then there is the actual liklihood that those folks will actually unfold that potential into something worthwhile. I have run into many people to whom I have given way too many openings and chances — those people I felt had potential. I ignored the signs that they used that potential to draw folks like myself to them to feed on the attention and care.
I have gotten better at watching out for the cuckoos. They have so much potential… but at times, that resonance they wear is simply something they have that allows them to take over what could be, and turns it into the story of them, not a story of co-working.